Just got out of college. Four years of so-called education are finally over. Am I happy? So I'm 20, and I'm invincible...dont need anyone right now, no friends, no bonding, no emotional baggage so to speak...right? Then why does it hurt to leave? Its not cause I'm weak and dependent on others, and its surely not cause I have nowhere else to be.
So what is it then? Why this sudden bond that is tying me down and wont let me leave the place? Why are there tears in my eyes all of a sudden, when I havent really cried in years? Why am I having doubts and trying to do everything I can to delay my departure? Why am I so afraid to look back as I drive out for the last time towards the airport? Why are all my goodbyes quick "Keep in touch man, see you later"s?? Too many questions that seem to have no answer, for a person never held back by something like "emotion" before.
Took me a long time to figure out the whys and the hows...mainly cause I didnt wanna think about it. Being part of the army family the only long term connection I've ever had has been to my family...not even the word "home" cause that changes every two years with the posting. So when I finally reach college as a youngster, raring for independence and freedom...I get it here. For four long years I'm able to forge lasting relationships and bonds because this place feels like home...a place I'm free to build for myself, of my own choosing. I mean lets face it, this isnt the age when your family house feels like home to you anymore. You want your own place, something that you can return to anytime without any questions asked or eyebrows raised.
But as usual the irony of life comes dancing to play its part in the game. Just as I'm all settled down and comfortable, with a group of good friends and the love I've wanted...life comes to throw cold water and wake me up. To remind me that it aint lasting forever. Its time to move on. And so thats what I do. I pack my bags, say goodbye to the life I know and head back into the unknown. Give up friends, love, security and almost everything else that been so very important to me, and move towards my new posting. Why? To tell you the truth I dont even know the reason I'm leaving college...its not to forge a better life, its not cause thats the order...its just cause life is moving on, and we're ensnared with it.
And you know whats the worst part? For those four best years of my life I have nothing to show...no mementos, no baggage, nothing...just a few pictures and memories that are quickly fading away. Which brings me back to my first point. I'm 20, I'm invincible...and life goes on.
So what is it then? Why this sudden bond that is tying me down and wont let me leave the place? Why are there tears in my eyes all of a sudden, when I havent really cried in years? Why am I having doubts and trying to do everything I can to delay my departure? Why am I so afraid to look back as I drive out for the last time towards the airport? Why are all my goodbyes quick "Keep in touch man, see you later"s?? Too many questions that seem to have no answer, for a person never held back by something like "emotion" before.
Took me a long time to figure out the whys and the hows...mainly cause I didnt wanna think about it. Being part of the army family the only long term connection I've ever had has been to my family...not even the word "home" cause that changes every two years with the posting. So when I finally reach college as a youngster, raring for independence and freedom...I get it here. For four long years I'm able to forge lasting relationships and bonds because this place feels like home...a place I'm free to build for myself, of my own choosing. I mean lets face it, this isnt the age when your family house feels like home to you anymore. You want your own place, something that you can return to anytime without any questions asked or eyebrows raised.
But as usual the irony of life comes dancing to play its part in the game. Just as I'm all settled down and comfortable, with a group of good friends and the love I've wanted...life comes to throw cold water and wake me up. To remind me that it aint lasting forever. Its time to move on. And so thats what I do. I pack my bags, say goodbye to the life I know and head back into the unknown. Give up friends, love, security and almost everything else that been so very important to me, and move towards my new posting. Why? To tell you the truth I dont even know the reason I'm leaving college...its not to forge a better life, its not cause thats the order...its just cause life is moving on, and we're ensnared with it.
And you know whats the worst part? For those four best years of my life I have nothing to show...no mementos, no baggage, nothing...just a few pictures and memories that are quickly fading away. Which brings me back to my first point. I'm 20, I'm invincible...and life goes on.
2 comments:
Amen bro! You stick it to da man! :D
u understand the real aspects of life in no time brother ...... as for real all things in this world are materialistic
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