When I reached the maturity that a teenager reaches, I wanted only one thing...complete freedom and independence. It was all I could think about. Being a virgo I'd always been fiercely independent and longed for that to extend over all parts of my life. I prayed for it night and day, cursing the gods silently for the day to come soon. And recently I realized that I finally had it...I could smoke and drink at will, go out anywhere anyhow anytime, I had my own account and cash to spend, my own residence so to speak...what more could a guy want right? But somehow I'd missed this wonderful transition from partial to complete independence. And I was horrified to have let the single most important incident of my life go by without so much as an applause and a night out in town.
To top it all with irony, the reason for this was that I'd become too busy adjusting and trying to keep up with my new lifestyle. That of an adult. I remember some idiot once said "With every gift comes a responsibility"...well unfortunately for us adults this responsibility is so massive that we're unable to enjoy the very freedom we possess.
Sometimes I recall the days when practicality meant giving up an expensive toy for a cheaper one, or having to stay back home to study an extra hour...now practicality means giving up your love to "get ahead in life", to lose touch with your friends cause you're too busy at work, to fly away to the other side of the world to follow someone else's dream for you.
Is it really worth it? This running around, this constant tension about the work being done and the next one on its way, this weighing down of duties so much so that you want to lie down in a foetal position and weep sometimes, this constant race to keep up with life and all its fuckups.
Everytime I stop to rest after a really tiring day my mind refuses to stop working, thinking about all that is to come and preparing with zeal for the next day of tiring out.
We dont sleep like we used to anymore, a sleep that was truly refreshing cause your mind was out exploring freely without being bound to anything. We dont talk like we used to anymore, voicing our thoughts and emotions as we felt them. We dont cry and laugh like we used to anymore, openly and without shame. We dont live like we used to anymore, without deception and guilt and complexity in any facet of life. If you think about it, we arent really free are we.
Personally, I think it sucks being an adult.
To top it all with irony, the reason for this was that I'd become too busy adjusting and trying to keep up with my new lifestyle. That of an adult. I remember some idiot once said "With every gift comes a responsibility"...well unfortunately for us adults this responsibility is so massive that we're unable to enjoy the very freedom we possess.
Sometimes I recall the days when practicality meant giving up an expensive toy for a cheaper one, or having to stay back home to study an extra hour...now practicality means giving up your love to "get ahead in life", to lose touch with your friends cause you're too busy at work, to fly away to the other side of the world to follow someone else's dream for you.
Is it really worth it? This running around, this constant tension about the work being done and the next one on its way, this weighing down of duties so much so that you want to lie down in a foetal position and weep sometimes, this constant race to keep up with life and all its fuckups.
Everytime I stop to rest after a really tiring day my mind refuses to stop working, thinking about all that is to come and preparing with zeal for the next day of tiring out.
We dont sleep like we used to anymore, a sleep that was truly refreshing cause your mind was out exploring freely without being bound to anything. We dont talk like we used to anymore, voicing our thoughts and emotions as we felt them. We dont cry and laugh like we used to anymore, openly and without shame. We dont live like we used to anymore, without deception and guilt and complexity in any facet of life. If you think about it, we arent really free are we.
Personally, I think it sucks being an adult.
3 comments:
Umm, why are there no spaces between the para's? Or are you too busy being unfree as an adult to do that? :)) :D
And you're not a virgo, you're a scorpio! You get it from your mom, remember? :D
And finally, every gift has a responsibility? So if someone gives me a chocolate, I'm responsible? Arrggh! Too much pressure! Need...some...coffee!
And if you didn't guess that all your comments was me, you've had it when I meet you next!
And turn off word verification!
A couple other things:
1. Where's your first post? :D
2. Change the blogger title bar on top of the page to black (yeah its there, I know, or maybe you can try silver too), blue kinda stands out too much. Unless of course you're trying to make a 'personal' statement? :D
3. Your links are to 'Google News' and 'Edit-Me'! So edit them!
4. And did you consider 'justifying' the text? It'll look better :D
And for heaven's sake, turn off the word verification!
to anonymous 1 - very keen observation and good too..
keep up the good wrk.
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